Joy Comes in the Morning

I’ve been hurt.

You’ve been hurt.

We’ve all been hurt at some point in our lives.

There are different kinds of hurt by different kinds of people. It’s often the people closest to us that hurt us the most. Spouses. Children. Siblings. Parents. Friends.

It’s inevitable.

So what do we do when someone hurts us? Cut them out of our life? Give them the silent treatment? Go out of our way to make them miserable?

Believe it or not, we have a choice.

We can choose to forgive them and move forward with our lives or we can refuse to forgive them and live in that hurt for the rest of our lives.

When we look at it like that, the best choice seems so easy, right? But it’s often not that simple. Why?

Well, pain is messy. It’s hard. It’s emotional. It’s a pure lack of control. Mostly, it’s because we aren’t perfect so we aren’t able to perfectly process our pain.

But we have a perfect example of someone who did.

Jesus.

He is our example of how to love others. Especially those who have hurt us. He walked this earth with all its imperfections and lived with people who hurt Him. People who plotted to kill Him!

So what do we do? Is it even possible to get over these hurts and love people?

Yes. It is.

Not perfectly, but it’s possible. It’s possible to hope again. To love again.

I wish I had this book 9 years ago, but it’s comforting to know I have been practicing these truths for a long time. I recently studied this book with my Bible study group. I wanted to share what impacted and encouraged me the most.

1. We have to release the past and reach for the future. What can we do about what’s already been done? Nothing. Apologize. Forgive. Move forward. If we ever want to love again and hope again, we have to let go of what happened and let God heal us. We will never move forward by rehearsing  and remembering what happened over and over and over. I’ve always thought that by holding onto what happened and remembering every detail and offense, that I would have a perfect case to lay before God at the proper time for His justice to swiftly come in and avenge me. I don’t need to do that for Him. That’s not my job. Vengeance is His to carry out, not mine. I can’t embrace the healing and new things God has for me if both of my hands are full of past hurts and offenses. I’ve always thought that if I forgot what people had done to me, they would be free of their consequences- that they would get away with what they did. Crazy, right? Why do we think that way? I think the enemy deceives us into taking matters into our own hands and out of God’s hands. The struggle for control. He wanted to be in charge and he wants us to defy God too. We want to fix it. We can fix it. We’ve memorized and rehearsed the perfect come backs to every possible scenario. But some things, some people are way beyond our fixing. Scratch that. ALL people are beyond our fixing. So let’s stop trying to fix the past and let’s start giving God access to our pasts and take hold of the healing He wants to give us in these areas.
2. We have to choose love over hurt. We always have a choice. We may not like our options, but we have a choice. Offended. Hurt. Bitter. Angry. Things I know very well. But what about humble, forgiving, loving and kind? Unattended and unhealed wounds can be fatal. There is no timeline for healing. It’s a process. But it’s better and possible with the Healer and Lover of our souls. Who loves us more than Jesus to set us free from the burden of hatred and bitterness? No one. We don’t have to go that way friends. Have you ever met someone whose life has been poisoned by bitterness and anger? It’s heartbreaking. So much time and life lost by choosing death over life. I want to choose life.
3. We have to stop running from forgiveness. We have to stop withholding forgiveness thinking it’s serving us our best life. Isn’t it better to forgive than not to forgive? And more importantly, are we not commanded to forgive? I have a pretty good memory for totally useless information. Dates, names, song lyrics, movie quotes, past conversations, etc. The author of this book said, “One of the enemy’s most successful strategies is to get you to focus on things that do not matter anymore.” What’s more important than forgiveness? Than healing and reconciliation? That one thing that one person said to you that one time that made you upset? That’s more important to hold on to? I held on to an exchange of emails for YEARS thinking that I may need them one day, but then I realized several things. One, I’m not that same person anymore, so I wouldn’t respond that way now. I could only apologize. Two, I hate inbox clutter. And three, it doesn’t matter because I have forgiven the offenses. Time and forgiveness has made everything way less important.
4. You have to fight for your marriage. “Trying times are not the times to stop trying.” But boy do they feel like it. God is fighting for your marriage and the enemy is fighting against your marriage. You have to make up your mind to not quit. It’s in our vows, right? For better or for worse? And I know how difficult and divisive the topic of marriage and divorce can be. I have a different outlook on marriage now. When I was young, I thought marriage was about love and being in love. But through the Scriptures, now I realize that marriage is about bringing honor and glory to the Lord. Marriage points to the relationship that Christ has with His church. An unconditional love. A sacrificial love. We’re human so we’re not always going to get it right, but we do have a choice. We can help our marriage or hurt our marriage. Anytime we are going through a rough situation or season of suffering, I think about Jesus and how much He loves us and didn’t give up on us.
5. My foundation matters. “It seems the true colors and depth of our faith and character are revealed during tough times.” This is so true. There’s another widely used quote that says,”God will never give you more than you can handle.” You know that’s not in the Bible, right? Of course He will! How else are you going to trust Him if you can handle every situation? Are my actions going to line up with what I’m saying? When trouble comes, am I going to fall apart or am I going to fall on the Lord? When you spend time in prayer and in God’s Word regularly, you will be able to withstand the fire when it comes. We really have two choices: To believe God and live our lives according to His Word or don’t.
6. We have to keep moving forward. Our call is upward, not behind. Our calling is to be more and more like Christ, which means walking as the new creation we are! And also “Where you are right now is not your final destination.” Hallelujah! Thank you God! Maybe you’re feeling stuck right now. You’ve been in this situation or season for far too long. Oh, I hear you. Can’t we just move onnnnn already, Lord? I don’t want to spend anymore time here. I’ve often found that in these times, there’s more to be learned. More to be sacrificed. More to be revealed about myself. Ugh. It’s not fun, but it’s necessary. There are great victories to be had when we are stuck in a place for awhile.If I really want to move on, I need to do the hard work now and do it right. It’s in these times that God is trying to show us something. He’s trying to show us to trust in what He is saying versus what we are seeing. To trust that by continuing to put one foot of faith in front of the other, we will make it through anything. We often want to move on, unchanged and unprepared for what’s next. The enemy wants us to stay stuck and to start doubting God or even blow past God and make our own way. But faith isn’t about what we see or feel, it’s about trusting God. So either we will or we won’t.
7. God gets the final say.  He always has one more move to make. He never exhausts His resources to save us or change us or move mountains for us. “When you are in crisis, He is not.” And further more, there is an ‘after this’. In the book of Job, Job had an after this. After all he went through, he had more life to live. An even better life than before. Even Noah lived more years after the flood than before the flood. It may be hard to imagine that for yourself right now, trust me, I feel the same way sometimes. “But your destiny is greater than your difficulties.” God is molding you and shaping you into something beautiful and He loves you too much to stop before it’s time. When you’re overwhelmed by your circumstances and your eyes can barely look up, remember that God is fighting for you and it’s not over because He has one more move.