Joy Comes in the Morning

Y’all.

It’s been…awhile.

1 year.

What has been going on? A lot, actually.

Some good things. Some bad things. Some great things.

A year is a long time to summarize in one blog post, so we have some catching up to do!

Should I start in January and work my way forward or start now and put things in reverse? Probably should start in January.

January 2019

What a year. What a month!

We picked up our sweet Kevin on New Years Day and our lives haven’t been the same since. That’s the last blog post I wrote. May 2019. A year ago.

Why?

Well, this is something I never thought I would experience, much less write about.

Demonic.Oppression.

…..

Yeah, and unfortunately I had no clue it was happening until about October/November 2019.

But let’s go back to January 2019 for a minute.

My friends and I were just starting a new Bible study in our women’s group in Alabama. I was really excited because I had been looking forward to reading this book “It’s Not Suppose to Be This Way” by Lysa Terkeurst since I heard it was coming out. How could this not be good? I know I’ve thought that exact phrase many times in my life.

So, our Bible study leader announced that this would be the book we’d be reading and studying in January. And THEN, she announced the next book we’d be studying was “The Spirit of Python” by Jentezen Franklin. That one also sounded very good. So I ordered it as well. Why not, right?

We actually never ended up studying that second book and so it sat on my bookshelf until October 2019 when I finally felt pulled to read it.

Y’all. Where are the hand clap emojis???

This book helped to open my eyes to what was really going on.

But how could I not know that I was being demonically oppressed? You’ve been in church all your life. Your dad is a pastor. You read your Bible every day? Are you even saved bruh? I know. Complete craziness.

2019 had a lot of ups and downs for me. So I just thought the stress of it all was finally getting to me.

I became extremely restless and desperate in January from a lack of sleep, a change in all of my routines and other ongoing issues. Top that with owning and running my own business which is very physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting sometimes. It was a lot.

At this point, I can only remember specific incidents that were breaking points for me last year, but the overall feelings and thoughts I had were consistently dark, crazy and not Christ-like. Angry. Suicidal. Cursing. Taking God’s name in vain. I.was.not.myself. I literally felt insane. I kept saying over and over, “There’s something wrong with me.” “There’s something wrong with me.” I thought I needed to be institutionalized. I wanted medicine. Something to fix it. Anything to fix it. But what did I do?

Nothing.

Again, I just thought it was stress finally taking it’s toll on me. I thought that it was kind of….dare I say…normal. So I didn’t say or do anything.

I kept reading my Bible, praying and going to church. None of which I wanted to do by the way. That had never happened to me before. Sunday is my favorite day of the week. And I get anxious if I haven’t read my Bible or prayed in the first couple of hours when I wake up.  That’s how I knew this was more than stress. That’s how I knew this wasn’t normal. I’ve never really been in a spiritual slump before, but I knew this was more than that. The enemy wanted me to forget who I was and that I have the mind of Christ. The enemy wanted me to feel alone. So alone that I wouldn’t reach out for help. Even from family and friends. He wanted to shut my mouth. And he did.

July 2019

I had been speaking with a great therapist for some time. And then literally overnight, my mind and my body was given peace with thoughts and worries I’ve had for YEARS. YEARS. I’m still trying to live in this new head space…almost a year later. It’s hard to let go of things, isn’t it? Even things we want to let go of. The enemy knows that if we keep holding on to these negative things and living in a defeated mindset, that we aren’t moving towards victory.

I think God cleared my head to focus on my biggest challenge yet.

Letting go of the past. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. And starting over His way.

Realizing that all of those years I was focused not necessarily on the wrong things, but there were other more important things that needed to be addressed first.

And then one of the scariest and most honest thoughts I’ve ever had surfaced. 

This is going to take too much work. You should just give up.

Too much work. Bingo. I had been working so hard for so long, but it was mostly in my own strength and focusing on only one area of my life. I was mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically exhausted.

God gave me peace and a plan and immediately the enemy came in and tried to steal it away with just enough truth to take my focus off of God and what He wanted to do and put it on myself and my circumstances. That’s soooooooooooo like him, isn’t it?

John 10:10

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.”

November 2019

Let’s actually go waaaaaayyyyy back to November 2018 when we started praying about an opportunity to move back home to Indiana. Job opportunities are few and far between with Eric’s company in this particular location because they are a very successful location…so people don’t want to leave. I get it. In our 6 years in the South, there were 2 job openings in Indiana.

2.

One of which he was successful with, which brought us back in May of 2020. The other was in November of 2019.

So. In November 2019, there was a position available in Indiana. I knew in my heart that this was it. It was time. Our prayers had been answered! We would be home for Christmas and our nephew’s wedding. I thought the timing was perfect! I would announce to my clients that I wouldn’t be selling gift certificates for Christmas because we’d be moving and we could start the new year in a new home back in our beloved Indiana. So we started looking at houses. Perfect, right?

Uh, no.

We found out right before Christmas that we wouldn’t be moving back to Indiana.

But, but…I had everything planned out perfectly Lord. I had such a peace about it. I just knew this was going to happen! And I found a home I loved.

I.lost.it.

Another breakdown to add to 2019. I didn’t think I could take much more.

But…

even though this news took me by complete surprise and I was devastated, I knew God had a plan for us. It took me a couple of weeks to get to this realization, but it did happen! So I just threw myself even more into my business and our life in Alabama and started to look forward to 2020 and all of the things I was going to do! Lol.

October 2019

But back to October real quick. I finally picked up that book I had bought in January, “The Spirit of Python” by Jentezen Franklin and I read it fairly quickly. It showed me Scripture after Scripture, story after story after of demons in the Bible and how they work and what they can do in our lives. I think I read it with my mouth open the whole time and may have even smacked myself in the head saying, “Duh, Lindsey!” It clicked.

I don’t know exactly what foothold I gave the enemy or how this demon came into my life and home, but it happened and once I was aware of it, I wanted it gone.

I was so beaten down that I failed to remember I had the power to send this demon packing all along…the Holy Spirit…the very breath of God Almighty in me.

The breath that the enemy so desperately wanted to squeeze out of me…just like a python.

I’m not really a fan of the word empower, BUT after reading that book, I FELT EMPOWERED by the Lord. I was reminded of who I belong to and who I am. I started singing the song by Big Daddy Weave “I Belong to God” like every single day to start off my praise and worship session before reading and praying. Great song. And I remember hearing God say to me, “Ok, My sweet, soft girl. You need to stand up and speak up against this fool. This is real.”

I remember sitting on my couch after finishing this book and thinking I’m really going to do this. I have to do this. I’m going to speak against this demon in Jesus’ name and he has to flee. Now this may sound like a simple thing, but I had been tired for so long. I lacked any strength or courage to be brave. I really had no fight left in me. But I wasn’t fighting alone. So I did it. I started speaking of the promises of God and His faithfulness and love towards me and I told him to leave! You have no business here! You are not welcome here! You have no power here any longer! This house belongs to God! I belong to God! And as I was speaking, I felt this weight lift off of me…almost like a dissolving into the air. I never expected to physically feel anything, but my body and the atmosphere in our home was noticeably changed. Praise the Lord!

So even though I unknowingly had a rough November ahead of me, I.was.free. My mind was clear. The fog was lifted. The suicidal thoughts were gone. My joy for fellowship, reading the Word and praying were back. I didn’t feel run down anymore. I had energy. I remember coming back to church that first Sunday and several people said my BODY and my COUNTENANCE were different. They had no clue what had been going on with me, but the change was undeniable and noticeable. The weight was gone. I knew that my insides were affecting my outsides, but I couldn’t do anything about it. Or so I thought.

Have you experienced anything similar? Does this describe how you are feeling? DO NOT seclude yourself like I did. In all of my craziness, I still desperately wanted someone to understand. And I still wanted help. I felt trapped, paralyzed. And even though all I could get out to my therapist and husband was, “There’s something wrong with me”, it started the conversation towards feeling less alone and getting that help.

These things really helped me during this time:

1. Asking for prayer. I didn’t tell anyone specifically what was going on, but I still asked for prayer faithfully. I knew it would help me with whatever was going on.
2. Speaking ALOUD my position in Christ and remembering the promise of James 4:7, “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” Anytime a lie or damaging thought would come into my mind, I would refute it with Scripture and repeat it over and over and over. I got into the habit of saying out loud, “That’s a lie! That’s not true. I won’t believe it.” And then I would think of things that were true.
3. Singing praise songs out loud before my prayer and reading time. I really believe this has ushered the presence of God into my life. When a genuine and humble atmosphere of worship is created, God will show up and no demon wants to be in the room when God shows up.

Whew! What a crazy year. What a crazy story. I’m so thankful that I’m not in that place anymore. I’ve learned a good defense is a good offense. A sports reference? Who am I? It’s true, though! Spending time daily with the Lord can prepare us for things like this. And I’m alert now. I won’t ever forget what happened and as a matter of fact in February 2020, a dear friend opened up to me that she was struggling with suicidal thoughts, exhaustion, loneliness, spiritual lack….

No.

NO.

Not today Satan!

After talking in detail, our stories were almost IDENTICAL. I felt crazy. She felt crazy. She wanted to harm herself and so did I. Thankfully, I was on the other side of it and was able to encourage her and be there for her.

There is always a reason for the things we go through. Always. Sometimes it’s just for us, but usually it’s for someone else.

I hope this has inspired you to get in the Word even more and to be alert!

1 Peter 5:8

“Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”