Brave Love
One of my sweet clients recently lent me a book to read. I love that.
Typically, I buy books and do not borrow them, because I like to mark in them. 😉
I took this book with me on vacation and finished it shortly after we returned home. It was an easy read and just what I needed to break away from social media as my go to outlet for relaxation in the evenings.
I thought about doing a video book review, but decided instead to write what resonated with me and what I learned.
You Can’t Put Your Own Wants and Needs Last Forever
You just can’t. It will catch up to you. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. And even spiritually.
Trust me.
Have you ever heard of the acronym J-O-Y?
Jesus
Others
Yourself
I recited this MANY times when I was run down by constantly putting everyone and everything ahead of myself. I thought it was selfish to do things for myself and to say no to others. Yeah. But…
Jesus took naps. Jesus woke up early and got away. And Jesus said no sometimes.
Now, trying to serve others in the flesh will absolutely lead to exhaustion among other things. That’s not what I’m talking about. When we are serving others and have a personal relationship with the Lord, He is in us willing and enabling us to do those things He has called us to do! It’s amazing! What I’m talking about is serving others while in the process, losing your identity to make other people happy or love you. Constantly putting your spiritual, mental, physical and emotional needs last.
You may be a daughter or son, mother or father, sister or brother or whatever. But you will always be a child of God FIRST. So many people get lost in a title or a role, but the one that matters most is being a child of God and putting Him first in our lives. Trouble arises when we start putting our spouses and children and jobs before God. They will deplete you entirely before you have anything left for the Lord, let alone yourself. And they don’t mean to be selfish, but they will take what we allow them to take. And that too is a habit.
God made you exactly the way He wanted you to be. He gave you your talents and interests. He put the desire in your heart to be a mother or a father or whatever you are doing right now. He knows your every thought and desires to be in fellowship with you all day long. We have to start giving Him our best time. I think this is the first step in feeling less run down. How can we fill up other people’s cups if ours is empty from the get go? We make sacrifices for our families, right? How can we say to God, “I’m sorry, but my husband is more important right now.” Or “My job is more important than You right now.” Or “My kids come first.” But we do.
Spending time with the Lord is refreshing. For me, it makes the most sense to spend time with the Lord in the mornings. If I don’t, I feel like I’ve lived the whole day for myself and He feels far away from me. We don’t need any fancy books or journals to be closer to God. Just ourselves, someplace quiet and our Bibles. I’m taking the month of August to fast and pray over a few things in my life. I’m hoping that by the end of the month, I will have more focus, direction and attention for the things I’m praying over. And I’ll also feel less run down because my priorities are in line. Your families will understand. The example of your discipline will inspire them, not hurt them.
You Need to Rest
You need to rest. I need to rest. We all need to rest.
The topic of self-care/self-love came up at our women’s Bible study this week and how our American culture, Christianity included, glorifies busyness! We shame rest! We think that the busier we are, the better and holier we are.
A couple of times in the past week we were in bed and ready to sleep by 8:30pm. Me, a former night owl, ready to hit the hay.
My body was physically tired. My mind was exhausted. So instead of feeling guilty, I went to bed. And it’s been great.
I’m one of those people who like to stay busy and I feel guilty when I sit down and the dishes need done or the laundry needs folding. I can’t rest until all the work is done. Well, guess what? There’s always going to be something that needs done if you look hard enough.
I often think that when I get sick, it’s God’s way of telling me to slow down and rest.
And rest looks different to everyone.
Maybe resting to you is going to bed early. Maybe all you need is to sit down and do nothing for 30 minutes. Maybe it’s a nightly bath or maybe it’s actually getting away to a totally different place for awhile. Sometimes we put off rest for too long and then we crash. No one can do everything all the time.
Now, our bodies can function without proper rest for years…just ask any new parents! 🙂 Our bodies are amazing at adapting. And we do what we have to do to get by sometimes. But it should just be that…sometimes.
It’s hard to pursue rest intentionally. I get it. But if we don’t, what are we saying?
We’re saying that literally everything else in the world is more important and we are not worthy of it. Yikes. Our bodies are a temple of the Holy Spirit for goodness sake! Why are we not taking better care of them?
I don’t have children. But I have a puppy. And since getting him, my priorities have changed. He needs walked. Played with. Etc. So my schedule is different now, but I’m learning how to work it in when I can. And I’m learning what’s really important.
God did us a huge favor when He established time. He gave us a 24 hour day to live, work and sleep. We would try to do so much more if we had more time.
Remember, if God rested, then you can too. We have to figure out how to rest before our bodies make us rest because of sickness or injury. It requires sacrifice. Intention.
We All Have Unhealthy Patterns We Need to Unlearn
This is something God has recently revealed to me. It was mind blowing. Once I realized this, I started looking at people in my life differently.
We are all a product of our environment to some degree or another. So, it makes sense that we mimic our parents or whoever we were around the most growing up. And we took those behaviors and attitudes into our marriages, work places and parenting styles.
If you have ever had conflict in your life, I’m sure you have realized that: things aren’t going to change unless YOU change. You CANNOT change anyone else but yourself. And even that is almost impossible sometimes. I think fear plays a big role in this truth. We know how life goes when we act and engage one way and even if it’s not what we want, it’s what we know and it’s, in a weird way, comfortable to us. More comfortable than trying a new approach and stepping out of our comfort zones, right?
I believe change can only be accomplished by submitting to the control of the Holy Spirit. By pursuing obedience to Him at all cost. If we want to be changed by the Lord, we have to spend time with the Lord.
Well, how do we do that? I believe it is accomplished through daily prayer and daily Scripture reading. And fasting. We learn by listening. We learn by putting side our usual distractions for a time and focusing on what the Lord is saying to us in that area. We have to be aware of our need to change and be willing to change. Those are the hardest steps. They are also the first steps. That is why distractions must go. Facebook. Pinterest. TV. Whatever it is. It will be hard, but it is so worth it. You will connect with and hear God on a whole new level. I’m looking forward to this in August.
Make a List of Things That Need to Change
And then start changing! Easy, right? But seriously, why would we make a list about what we want to change in our lives? That’s weird.
I love making lists. I make lists for everything. It helps me see things clearly and then I get to check things off I’ve accomplished. Why should things we need to change about our lives and ourselves to pursue a deeper relationship with God not be list worthy?
Lists hold us accountable, right? If it matters, if we matter, we should write it down, pray about it, commit it to the Lord and watch Him work. Some people have prayer journals where they write their prayers out and then go back and write how God answered those prayers! That’s pretty awesome. This idea is similar.
One of the things on my list to change in my life is to grow closer spiritually with my husband. And you know what? We are. Why? Because we wrote it down and made a plan. We decided to start reading the Bible together. AND sharing over dinner what we learned in our OWN morning devotional times.
Boom.
Change.
Make Time For Friends
Making time for your family is a given, but what about friends?
Some people say they don’t have time for friends. Or need friends. Or want friends. 🙁
I think there are seasons of friends in a person’s life. They come and go, but I believe they are necessary and even a gift. I actually have several deep friendships for the first time in my life! It’s awesome! Our relationships aren’t perfect and we don’t get together as much as I’d like, but I can always count on them to pray for me when I need it and to refresh my soul with their presence.
You may not think so, but someone is missing out on your friendship. Now, I’m not trying to guilt trip you, but think about that. You know that lady at church that always comes up to you and remembers your conversation last week and checks on you and sends texts throughout the week? That sounds like the beginning of a good friendship! You may have something she needs!
Sometimes friendships can be a little one sided. 🙁 But so can other relationships. Marriages. Children. Jobs. But we don’t give up on those, do we? No. And I understand that marriage, children and jobs will take priority in your life. But they are not your whole life. Friends are always the first to get fired! We wouldn’t dare say to our children or spouses, “Wow. You are being so needy right now. Sorry, I’m done. We can’t hang out anymore.”
Let’s not fire our friends. Let’s reach out to our friends. They are a gift. And the best of friends will understand your absences and your imperfections. They offer something different than the other relationships in our lives.
In conclusion, I have a confession to make.
When I started reading this book, I didn’t think I had anything in common with the author and that I wasn’t going to take anything away from her book. I almost didn’t finish it! I never would have picked this book up to read, but I’m so glad I did.
3 more books just came in the mail that I’m so excited to read, but they’ll have to wait. I’ve already decided what I’m going to read next. 🙂
Stay tuned! 🙂